How Can I?

Dream or Delusion? Navigating the Real Costs of Chasing Your Dreams

Harpreet Bahad Season 1 Episode 20

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Join me, Harpreet, as we delve into the complex terrain of pursuing your dreams, especially later in life, in this episode titled "Dream or Delusion? Navigating the Real Costs of Chasing Your Dreams." 

Pursuing lifelong ambitions can be inspiring but fraught with challenges and pitfalls. We'll explore the key pain points faced by those who decide to chase their dreams beyond conventional timelines and offer practical advice for assessing whether this path is right for you. 

This episode provides a balanced perspective on the risks and rewards, equipping you with the tools to make informed decisions about your future without encouraging unrealistic expectations.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the how Can I Show with me as your host, harpreet. As you know, this is the show where we talk about all things life and career and always following our path with purpose. I'm here to motivate and inspire you to follow the path of happy, joyful lives and be proud of your experiences along the way, along the way. So today's episode is one that's going to be really about a lot of truth. I mean, all my episodes are really, but this one's going to be really speaking about the cold hard truth of pursuing your dreams. And the question really is is it a dream or is it a delusion, right? So I really do want to talk about this topic because you know I'm someone who does promote pursuing your purpose, pursuing your dreams, going for the things that you want. You know, and myself I've been a journey from going through the logical things in life to also looking at the spiritual things and what you might call the woo-woo. So I'm fascinated by all of it. If I'm really honest with you, I'm fascinated by the science. I'm fascinated by every other thing as well, to see what I can learn, and you know, I find it very interesting to see how many people have different beliefs and how that sort of leads them to. You know, live really great lives. So what I really wanted to talk about, though, is that, even though I promote this, you know, there's always that question of, well, how do I go and pursue my dreams?

Speaker 1:

And many of you if you're especially post-30, post-40, you might be settled, you might have children or fur babies, if you want to call them that, or you just might have responsibilities, right, you might own a property, or you might be paying rent, and you might be further up your career, so there might be a lot going on, and if you're questioning, well, what's my purpose? Your questions may be related to well, maybe you want to change your career altogether, or maybe you want to become an entrepreneur, or maybe you just want to go further up the career ladder in your current role. Right, if you're a little bit younger not that I'm saying elderly people don't study, because we do all the time. I think, or I believe that anyway. But if you're someone you know who's feeling like well, I am studying something or I want to be something, but actually I've got lot of questions and I don't know if this is really my passion then I'm going to give some advice on this episode today, which will speak to all of you, because I think this is just a really important topic and I think, or I believe actually, that we see so much stuff online about how to pursue our dreams and just go for it and just go for it. But I also know so many people who have just gone for it and they haven't seen the success that they really wanted. You know, and it's nice. You know, we see so many people like celebrities or you know people who have made it and you hear their stories and they're like you know, I started from scratch and then I went all in and it all worked out for me and you know, we sort of think, oh that's amazing, how did they do it? And we might dive into so many different things and some may work, some may not. So I just want to talk about this and then I want to give you some tips of you know how you can figure this out for yourself to some degree and just start moving in that right direction for you. So I'm going to tell you a little bit about me and my journey and then, obviously, I'll tell you more about sort of like what the things are that really could get in the way.

Speaker 1:

So when I started my journey of having my own business, I came from a career which was very high paying in the IT world and, you know, life was great. I had a great career and I always genuinely thought I mean, in my life I've always tried to pursue entrepreneurship but for one reason or another it didn't work out. But I always had this backup job to rely on. So, and you know, with that career going as well as it was, I just thought that this is fine and this is really you know what I want. Uh, post my first child, I was sitting at home and I was, you know, at the busy body that I am. In many ways, I I just thought, well, what else could I do? And I obviously wanted to spend more time with my child as well. So I was really starting to think about that side of life which to some degree I did before, but not properly. You know, it was a life changing, I suppose, moment for me. That really got me on the road of well, I want to do something more with my life and maybe I want more time with my children, and you know, I don't want to be working for somebody else forever. So those thoughts start coming into my mind.

Speaker 1:

And then, obviously, I landed into this world of coaching. I became a coach, you know. I studied part-time and I became a coach. I carried on working. I didn't quit my day job. Covid happened, had another child and I again went back to work very quickly until I reached that point of burnout. So the reality of it is what I was trying to do was many things at once. I had a day job, but that was demanding way more hours than working hours from me, which you know, in all honesty, shouldn't have happened, and it was just literally killing me.

Speaker 1:

Then, obviously, I'm a parent, so I've got my responsibilities as a parent, a wife, you know, a daughter, sister, whatever you know. We have our own responsibilities in our lives to live right, friendships, whatever you know, we add to it. And then I also had my business, which I was running part-time, and I wanted to really make something of it. And I remember, you know, when I finally got to that stage where I was so burnt out. I finally got to that stage where I was so burnt out I finally quit my job and at that point, if I'm really honest with you.

Speaker 1:

I always wanted to pursue my business full time, but the truth of it is I was quite concerned about how that would really work out for me, because I wanted to get back to work. And you know, naturally we've got kids, so you think about money and I'm at that stage of my life where there's more responsibility, so risk-taking can't be so high, and so you know, there was that whole journey I went through and, if I'm really honest, when I quit my job even my business I just stopped focusing on it because I was just so done with everything and I couldn't get up. If I'm just really honest, I was overwhelmed, I was exhausted, I just didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was emotional, it was just chaos, really, it's the best way I can describe it. So obviously, now I'm over a year on and things have really changed, because the great thing, I suppose, about being a coach was I could use things that I knew, use tools and put them into practice into my own life. Now, if I'm honest, did they work overnight? No, and the reality is because A I was already quite far gone in my burnout journey, I would say. But the second thing is that I was still trying to piece it all together in many ways because, you know, it's sometimes easier to coach others than it is yourself. And I had to really go through that journey and, you know, figure everything out. And obviously you know, today I'm in a much better place and I've learned so much along the journey and found more time and just seeing so much betterment now in my personal life.

Speaker 1:

But the reason why I shared this story with you today is because there is sometimes, or a lot of the times, actually there is a price to pay for chasing the things that you want. Yes, you might say, well, you know, if you're younger, you can pursue your dreams easier because you can chase them. But you know, there's also the other side of that. There are younger people who do pursue their dreams and do chase them, and then, if it doesn't work out, they sort of feel like, well, what about? I didn't really set myself up for a career and you know what do I do now? And vice versa, if you're older and you think, well, you know, it's too late for me, I've done everything right or I followed the plan that was supposed to follow, and then now I'm just asking so many questions about my life, about is this it and is this what I should be doing, then you know, like I said, then this really relates to everyone, doesn't it?

Speaker 1:

Because we can all go through something. We can all think the greener grass is for somebody else, but the truth of it is, when we are following a passion or a purpose, we are going to meet roadblocks. It's never a smooth sailing ride. You know, I talk about even things like manifestation. I believe in manifestation, but is it something that means that things will happen really overnight? That's not always been my experience, so I'm not going to pretend and say that everything happens in the next 48 hours. I think it just depends on how you do it, et cetera. But anyway, that's going off to another story, because I also believe there's actually a science behind manifestation, but I will talk about that in another episode.

Speaker 1:

So you know, what are the things that we can really struggle with when we're chasing our dreams, transitioning to a new career or starting a business, let's say, later in life, we can feel threatened by or for our financial security, right? So one of the things that we and probably the thing that's at the top of the list is financial stability, like if you're going to go and pursue a dream. Are you quitting something to go and pursue that dream, or you, you know, can you do it side by side? Then the other thing that I wasn't necessarily prepared for is your physical and mental health. You know, pursuing new adventures can really be physically and mentally demanding and it can cause greater risks.

Speaker 1:

Now, like I said, I went through burnout. Now I'm not going to say that's because I was doing two things, that I had burnout, because it was an amalgamation of things. But I will say this I definitely had too much on, you know, when I was trying to work my day job and trying to work well, whatever it was, eight hour days I was supposed to be doing and I was averaging about 14, 15 hour days and then logging off in the evening or waking up really early to give my business time as well, I was inundated. And then, obviously, like I said, you know, family life, trying to do all the things that you would. So trying to just amalgamate everything. Eventually, just, I was just in shutdown.

Speaker 1:

So you know, these are things that can happen to you. I'm not saying they will, but they can, and I think it's always good to be aware that, as much as we say, pursue your dreams, it's important to know or be prepared for certain roadblocks that can come your way. Now the other thing is social and family pressures. You know, if you're changing paths, this can strain relationships, as family or friends may not understand or support your decisions. Again, I'll give you personal examples.

Speaker 1:

I had some people you know in my life, some families and friends, who, because I was working like all the time and my passion was so much into my business as well, as you know, even my day job, I did really enjoy my day job. I'm not going to lie about that. So I was so engrossed in that. Plus, you know, my family life and everything, and you know, post-covid, I think there's many of us who just didn't really want to go out too much or do much anyway. So when I was focusing on the things that I really wanted to pursue, it meant that I had to take a step back from other things, and some of them were, like you know, not seeing my friends that often or not seeing certain family members often, and some did take offense because on a path like this, when you say that I'm only going to focus on the things that I want to do.

Speaker 1:

There are people who will not always understand, and you know, for the logical people they'll be like well, how does that make sense? If you said I'm pursuing something, then why would anyone have a problem with it? But my answer to that will be you'll be surprised. You know. If you've got everyone around you who really supports you in your goals and ambitions and dreams, I salute you. But I think there will be people who, even if they do support you shall I say, even if they support you they may still want your time, and that's something you may not be able to give.

Speaker 1:

So you have to start thinking about, depending on what you're going for, how much time of yours it will take. So that's one to really think about. Then, depending on what industry you're going in, you might have barriers, especially if you're going in a little bit later, right? So if you've had this whole career or you've done something completely different, then you decide you know what I want to do something completely different. Then you might feel like there's barriers, right, because entering a new field can be challenging due to age, biases or rapidly evolving industry requirements, right? Or even the learning time that you need.

Speaker 1:

And so, you know, one of the things I always talk about we sort of joke around in my household is one of the things I always say is you know, now that I'm a coach and I love this journey, that, god you know, I wish I went back and I did something in psychology or neuroscience and you know that kind of stuff Like, I'm so fascinated by the topic, so I'm always reading about it and always studying it and watching so many videos on it as much as I can, because I love the concept. But you know we were just talking about this the other day that, considering what I do and again assessing risk factors, you know, is it a possibility? Because I would still have to go back to university and I would have to go and do everything and then probably you go and do the work experience and it's probably, I think, like a six-year journey or something like that, before I can even really go and pursue my own practice somewhere. Um, so you know, considering where I'm in my life right now, I've done the assessment and I think, okay, this isn't necessarily the path for me right now, you know, but is it not? Is it a path that I don't want to pursue. I don't know. You know I'm not saying that this is, this is an answer. It's just giving you an example of something and like that it can feel like a barrier. Now you might be listening to me and be like, well, harper, if you say, go for anything you know, then why don't you go for this? So my answer to you is at this point well, what I'm doing actually is quite fulfilling right now. So, as much as that's a oh my God, I would love to have this. Is it the ultimate dream? Is it the thing that takes me to a purpose? I wouldn't say completely yes right now, because I feel like I'm still on that path to purpose. So, because of that, it's not something I feel the need to pursue right now. Right, but I have done the work to go through this, to give you that answer. So I just want you to know that, if you're listening in and the other one is time investment, right, because and this comes to a little bit just about what I was just saying so you know, time is a precious commodity and the years spent pursuing a new dream could have been used to solidify or enhance existing achievements, right? So kind of where I am now in the example I've given you. So I just want you to you know, think about these things, that if you're thinking of making a change, well, what could come up ahead for me Now before I give you the tips that will help you make the decisions that you want?

Speaker 1:

This episode is not to tell you that you can't do something or you shouldn't do something. I still am the person who says that you must or sorry, not you must, but you should follow your dreams. If you can, and if you can find your path to purpose, then I would say, yes, you must do that, you should try and pursue your life's purpose. But we are living in a world where we need money and we need the things that we need. So there's a level of reality.

Speaker 1:

But all I'm saying is I'm not saying don't do it.

Speaker 1:

I'm definitely not saying that. But all I'm saying is I'm not saying don't do it. I'm definitely not saying that. All I'm saying is I'm teaching you a little bit of tips that can help you just be a little bit cautious about doing something and thinking, well, how can I do it? So that's really well. It's like you know my, my, my podcast, isn't it? How can I? So I just want you to think about that like, how can I pursue my dreams and my ambitions without sacrificing things that could really impact my life, right? Or what's the impact I'm willing to take on to go for that dream, and for how long, right? So it's these kind of questions that you should be asking yourself, rather than maybe listening to all the nuances that I've just given you and you think, oh, my God, I don't want to do anything. I definitely don't want to go for the things that I want in my life, because that is definitely not the message of this episode. So, with that being said, I'm going to give you some tips to help you make the decision. Some tips to help you make the decision right. So the first one is assess your current financial cushion. So, before you make any drastic changes, thoroughly evaluate your financial situation and ensure you have enough savings to support a potentially unstable income phase.

Speaker 1:

Now, you know we've just well, not just, but you know we've come out of COVID. The world is still trying to find its feet right. There's recessions going on and there's all sorts of stuff going on around the world, and you know we are, in my mind, just trying to find our feet. We're trying to find our way in the new world and a lot of people have suffered in this process. A lot of people have taken hits, us included Financially. There's been things that we didn't expect to happen happened.

Speaker 1:

So when I stopped working and I stopped pursuing my business, there was other things going on and we had to think about our finances and what we can do. And has it always been an easy ride? The answer is no, but assessing our financial cushion gives us an idea of what we can and cannot do Right. So it's always just to remember that you know, whatever you are doing, you've got to try and see that you're stable. Now here's another example. You know, if you want to pursue something but you don't have the financial cushion, what can you do? Can you get a part-time job to give you the time to do what you want right in your other time? Do you still need to work full-time and then are you coming home and you know being with in your other time? Do you still need to work full-time and then are you coming home and you know being with your kids and your family like I was? Can you get any help so you can get some extra time to go and pursue something that you really want? You know you've got to ask yourself those questions.

Speaker 1:

So, again, it's not about well, oh my God, if you feel like I don't have the financial cushion, so that means I can't do it and that's what Harper is saying to me. The answer is, I'm not saying that to you. What I'm saying is figure out what your financial situation is. If you need financial help, how do you get it and how do you get help from others to ensure that you can get the time that you need as well? So you know there will be people around you most of the time that will give you the support that you need, encouraging, you know whatever they are. But they might also say to you well, you know, yeah, I'll give you some time or I'll help you with something, and if you can take the help, take it Like if it helps you start following your dreams, then do that. But you know, yeah, the one thing I suppose I don't recommend is quit your job and go and work. Sorry, quit your job and then just go and work on whatever you want to do. And so you're not seeing any.

Speaker 1:

You know level of income to that degree and you know this is something that I actually learned the hard way. If I'm honest, when I quit my job, it wasn't something I actually wanted to do. So, as much as I tell you that, you know I quit my job, which I did, and I did it for the right reasons, because I was really, really suffering. The truth of it is, although I was quite relieved when I left that job because I was like, thank God, I just need things to slow down, did I regret my decision? And the answer is 100% yes. You know. I'm not going to say to you things that are just like oh, you know, it'll be great, you'll be fine. No, I regretted it. I struggled for a few months just to understand my new way of living, because I've just never been or haven't been at work in God knows how long. Always just worked, worked, worked.

Speaker 1:

And as we got more responsible and as more things came into our life, you just work more because you worry about ensuring that your finances are okay, plus, like I said, covid and all sorts of stuff that's going on, the cost of living has gone up, so you worry even more about your finances. So you know, if I had the choice of not quitting my job and continuing what I was doing, I would have done that, but I couldn't because I just physically couldn't go on. So if you're in that situation, just think about how you can then create more time for yourself. You know I talk about productivity and there's some productivity tools out there, you know. Go out and get them. If you want my free tool, I've got some productivity hacks that you can try. I believe for that you can follow me on Instagram and it's on my bio right now, so you can just sign up for those hacks that can get you started and become more productive and saving yourself more time. So assess that.

Speaker 1:

Create yourself a financial spreadsheet whatever it is, whatever it is, a tracker, whatever it is to look at what you can and can't do at this moment in time. And then give yourself some goals Well, okay, I want to achieve this dream or I want to pursue something, but if I can't do it right now, when can I do it? And then give yourself, like I don't know a 12-month plan and break it down into three you know, four monthly, three monthly chunks. So every three months, you have a goal to achieve. The first goal might be, if you don't have any finances, to say, okay, I'm going to get myself a job or I'm going to spend less on something and I'm going to save some money so I can start building a cushion. So you know, months three to six. You can then have another plan. Another plan and you know again, depending on what you're going for, your dreams may not be, or the thing that you want to pursue may not be done in three months, six months, it might be a five-year journey, and if that's the case and give yourself grace, that's fine, it's a five-year journey, right, but you don't just leave it. Then you do something about it and you plan it so you can say, okay, well, this is what I want to do.

Speaker 1:

The other thing I would say is that you should evaluate your physical and mental readiness. So be honest with yourself about how you are physically and mentally and you know how. What's your mental capacity to handle new challenges? You know, do you take on tasks, new tasks, easily? Do you get really overwhelmed? And you know, you just think I don't know how to do it.

Speaker 1:

Do you start procrastinating, like what happens to you when you want to pursue something? You know a lot of people. What happens is initially, when they want to pursue anything, they get really excited and then, the moment they actually start doing the thing or start working towards that thing, the excitement starts fading because there's work to be done to get there and sometimes the work that needs to be done feels like it's just roadblock after roadblock and it can put people off. You know where you just think, oh, I just can't be bothered, this is too long. But if you can again prepare yourself and put yourself in that position where you think, okay, I know what I'm like and I know how I deal with certain situations, so what will I do to ensure that I can deal with those situations better? And you can set yourself up a plan, you know like, of the things that you will do for your mindfulness, the things that you will do for rest, the things that you will do to be more productive, the things that you will need to stay motivated, all of these things combined together work and they don't have to be overwhelming. You can just pick maybe three things of each right or two things, whatever you want, just something, or even start with one and just make that one habit that you pick up slowly but surely, to keep you going in the right direction.

Speaker 1:

The next one is research thoroughly. You know, understand the industry you're interested in, or that career change or that promotion that you're interested in and in that you want to include the necessary skills and the market demand for it. Can you talk to people already in the field to gain realistic insights? You know what can you do to learn more, to get better. Growing up, I was always taught one thing no one can take your education away from you. That's the one thing you have only for yourself. Right, your education is for you. So you should be learning, you should be growing and with that, do research, figure out where you can start.

Speaker 1:

And again, if you're doing research and you're starting to procrastinate, thinking I can't do this, I can't do this, pick one thing that you can do, then other doors will open. No one's asking you to do everything in one go, and you know. Remember that you don't have to do everything in one go. That's actually probably you just sort of really putting pressure on yourself, and you know I'm a firm believer. Small goals lead to big results, and anytime I've tried to do anything big in one go, it's just never really worked out, but the small little steps that you take to get to where you want to can make all the difference. So research, figure out your simplified, easiest way to start, whatever you want to start, and then start building yourself up from there. The next one is set clear, achievable goals. I've already spoken to you about that today.

Speaker 1:

But, like I said, define what success looks like for you in this new venture of your life and then set yourself short term and long term goals that are realistic and attainable for you. I'm going to give you an example. You know, if you want to I don't know make a million pounds. Again, just an example. But because I'm not here talking about promotion of money, but you know, a lot of people speak to I want to make a lot of money. Okay, you want to make a lot of money. You want to make a million pounds or a million dollars, wherever you are, whatever currency you're in.

Speaker 1:

But what do you need to do to get to a million pounds? It's great having the dream, but what stepping stones will be needed to get to the million? What maths do you need to know? How much do you need to make every month to get to a million, and when do you want to make your million pounds by? Do you want to make it in the next year? Do you want to make it in the next five years? Do you want to make it in the next 10 years? If you're not specific about your goal, how will you know when you are going to achieve it and how are you then going to take the steps to get there? Are you going to save for that million pounds? Are you going to invest? What are you going to do? Are you going to earn more money?

Speaker 1:

The biggest thing that we notice, and I've noticed, is and you know, I've done it in the past, so it's not like everyone's perfect. We just do this're humans, right? Well, this is what we do, but everything's like. Well, I've got this dream and I want I don't know, I want a million pounds in the next year or I want to lose 20 pounds in the next week. Actually, I'm not even gonna say the week, I'm just gonna say forget the timeline. I'm just gonna say I want a million pounds or I want to lose 20 pounds. So my question will be okay, by when?

Speaker 1:

And if you don't have an answer, then your goal is not specific enough and sometimes you know, we look, we say, okay, I want it next year, I want it next five years. Okay, again, break it down. What will it take to get there? I'm not saying it's not achievable, but what I'm saying is what will you do to get there? What needs to happen? If you want to lose 20 pounds, how are you going to do that? What to happen? How many pounds can you lose per week? Right? If you want to gain back more time, okay. How are you going to do that? How are you going to change your priorities? How are you going to change your to-do list? What needs to go? What needs to stay?

Speaker 1:

Time is one of those that we just complain about a lot, don't we Like? I don't we Like I don't have enough time. I do it too at times. You know it's standard, but what happens is you need to look at processes and things that can help you gain more time. I talk a lot about productivity, right, and how it can really help you Find your productivity tools and if you don't know which ones are good for you, reach out to me. Like I said, you can come to my Instagram, which is harpreet underscore barhat, or you can reach out to me at hello at openyourreachcom, send us an email and we'll give you a reply. We'll send you some productivity tools over that you can start using right away.

Speaker 1:

But the key is here to be very clear about your goals and, with that being said, again, consider a phased approach. So we're not diving in headfirst. We're considering transitioning gradually, transitioning gradually. So, whatever that goal is, as much as you may want it right now, if you got it in six months or a year or in five years, would that still be okay? But then, if you do it again, put that goal in place and then break it down to all the things that you will do and hold yourself accountable for to ensure that you meet those goals.

Speaker 1:

Now a lot of people talk about working with coaches, and you know I'm not. I'm not about to do a coach promo here, but I am going to say something that's quite true and honest here, that not everyone always understands what it's like working with a coach and what a coach does, but this is some of the stuff that a coach will really help you with, because I know there's a lot of coaches out there and I know there's a lot of noise around this industry and you know what they do and how they help. And can they really help me. Do I need a therapist? Do I need this? So let me break this down. A coach is going to help you your goals. They're going to help you be accountable and they're going to help you break those beliefs and give you those mindset shifts that you need to stay on your journey. You know, and this is where they are great.

Speaker 1:

So if you're someone who's a dreamer and, you know, really wants to take the next step and you're procrastinating and you're struggling, obviously you can reach out to me. Of course you can, but find yourself a coach, find someone who's going to guide you in the right direction. You know reading things. It's great, but if you're not taking action, my question to you is what is the point? What is the point of viewing all of it? If you're taking action, it's a different story, but if you're not, then why not? So I hope that these tips have really helped you today.

Speaker 1:

Know, you know you may be listening in, like I said in the beginning, thinking oh, my god, I don't know. Now I've got a goal in my mind. I really wanted to go for something, but I just feel really put off. No, no, no, please don't feel like that. Like I said, just sometimes we just need to take a step back and assess our current situation, look at where we are today and look at where we want to go and fill the gap in between. How do we fill that gap?

Speaker 1:

You ask yourself those questions, you do the research, you do the work, you do the work to get more organized and, if you're still struggling, go and get the help. If you can work with someone who can give you information so much faster to help you get in the right direction, why would you not take it? But if you're someone who can do this by yourself, by all means do it by yourself. But the key here is do it, but do it the right way. I mean, these are lessons I wish I would have learned a long time ago, right? So I'm sharing them with you because I want you to have these lessons. So if you are thinking of making a change and you've just been really literally thinking about it, or trying and struggling and seeing all the roadblocks, well you know, this is some of the stuff that you can start trying for yourself and see what changes can come about for you.

Speaker 1:

So, like I said, I really really do hope that you've enjoyed this episode today, one. I just felt that was really important and I really wanted to talk about it and share it with you, because I just feel that we're hearing so much about chasing our dreams, but we're not always talking about how to do it and how to look at the bits in between to really make sure that we're on the right path and doing it in a right way that helps us really achieve what we want but also keep us true to doing it so we can stay intact along the journey as well and not really fall apart. So give these a go. Let me know how these goes for you. You can always email me at hello, at openyourreachcom again, or, you know, you can reach out to me on my Instagram, which is harpreet underscore barhat B-A-H-A-D, and I would love to hear from you and, with that being said, I look forward to speaking to you on the next episode. I hope you have an awesome week ahead. Bye.